lectures and love

I have three kids. Two teenage boys who are just like me, and one almost teen daughter who… is just like me. We certainly get along for the most part. I mean, for sure, we have times where I have to crack down as a dad and make sure that punishment happens, but I’d say now that they are older that part seems to be less and less. More and more I find myself just having discussions with them about making right decisions and why, or even just giving them advise about how to become people who go around trying to do good. I feel like over the past few years I’ve really grown as a father in my ability to share with them about how to treat other people, and I really owe most of that growth to them. After all, it’s because of them I have been able to give that speech about twice a day for the last ten or so years.

The dialog, or the lecture as they affectionately call it, usually starts off completely different each time. The beginning tends to be determined based on whatever loud noise or yelling that was happening just sixty seconds prior. Then we all sit down, or just one of them sits there that’s all dependent on the occasion, and I begin. Actually, sometimes a tactic I employ is to sit them down and then go back to what I was doing. That even made me smile when I typed that. It’s not just for my own humor though, I figure it also gives them the opportunity to calm down a bit and think about what was going on. So after a few minutes I’ll look ask, “Hey, you guys hear that?”, as I gaze around the room as if looking for the noise. They all listen, too. It’s silence. Then I continue in with questionings and trying to find out what was going on. They always come at the questioning as if there is one right person and one wrong person. Of course, in each mind, they are the right and the other is clearly the wrong. In my mind, I’m more looking for something else though.

For instance, one says that the other threw a pillow at him and called him a loser, then I follow the action to where it all began and I find where it all started. Once I’ve established who started it and they all agree, then I begin with him or her. I do, for sure, let them know that they began the entire conflict with just the one action that they easily could have refrained from doing. This usually leads into an explanation from me about how just one action can set into motion a whole slew of actions and reactions that won’t stop until one of them decides to stop or until I call them in and stop it for them.

One of the things I focus on is what their actions were. They seem to only want to focus on what the other person did. Many times I’ve encountered the frustrated classic “Oh, you’re not even gonna talk to her about what she did? She hit me, so I hit her back!” The point I make is that I will certainly address it, but right now we’re talking about your actions and what you did. “I’m talking to you, so I want to talk about you”, is the common phrasing.

Anyways, tonight was no different. Here they sat all wide eyed and ready to glean knowledge from the wise, handsome man sitting before them. After a while I said something that I’ve said before, but maybe not in this way. I told them all that I’m here to help them and that I love them all enough to spend day after day giving the same speech over and over until they got it. I’ve been thinking about that since I said it. In life, it pretty much seems like after a while you’re on your own. I mean you certainly have friends and family and they’re wonderful to have, but who on earth is there in your life that’s willing to repeatedly coach you through making the same mistake for years? For me, as you may or may not know, I believe in God so I believe he’s dealt with me that way for decades. But as for a human here, I couldn’t say that I’ve ever seen that displayed anywhere. I certainly know I don’t exhibit that kind of love and patience with anyone other than these guys here. I’d certainly like to behave with that level of love, but I think it’s more common just to give you maybe two or three, maybe even a hundred chances until there’s just a point where there’s an impasse in the relationship.

I suppose I said all that just to say that I’m really enjoying these guys, and that the older they get and the more they make the same mistakes, the more I’ll keep on making the same speeches because I want to see them succeed.